Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Roundabout

What if humans could no longer spin in circles? I'm talking no more hula hoop. No more tag. No more maps on globes. No more roundabouts that you humans love to drive around for some insane reason; you really look stupid up here in space from my super high powered fancy telescope driving around those. And no more cheesecake, because that involves pouring and spreading in circles. From this we learn that this dilemma wouldn't only be limited to the circles that are completed by the legs and feet, but all circles - every facet of circle would be eliminated, so circles in general would translate to no circles period. Floss: None. Shoes: None, because your foot goes into a circle before going into the shoe itself. Sports: Over. Wheels: Especially Not. Light bulbs: Probably. Pizza: Turns into a square.

And what else is round that you humans obsess over? Life..., or Earth you might call it. Perhaps that would also mean that eventually the earth would cease to be. It's like that old adage: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?, but instead it would be: If Humans are so stupid that they forgot how to interpret what a circle is, does the Earth no longer exist? You should hope that that giant hairball launches into space before you forget what a circle is.

More importantly though, before the Earth ceases, the cessation of fists would evaporate first. Think about not being able to clench your fist... just thinking about the denial of that possibility is a gut wrenching realization because that indicates a dimishment of fighting prowess. I wonder if that would affect me in space? If it did, that would damper my enjoyment of eating the salty flesh off my prized raccoons. Lacking the ability to close my fingers around their pesky throats and denying them the pleasure of hissing at me through clenched rabid teeth would torment the possession of my waking entity.
 
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